i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
