i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
