twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
