yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
