she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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