I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you win again, gameday.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
