Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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