dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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