just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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