Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
