You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
