I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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