I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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