fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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