This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
