If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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