let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
