Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your cock deserves a montage
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
