Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
