I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
