I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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