i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
