Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
