i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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