Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
