...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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