based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
