I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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