Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
