Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
