4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
