meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize