guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
