It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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