naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why do cheetos always look like penises
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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