if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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