i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
