I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
