Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize