it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
