A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
