my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
