Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sext me about skeletons
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
