She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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