the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
40s are totally the cure
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You are a genius and a whore.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
