my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
