fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
