I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
