he was CRYING into my vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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