She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
