I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
