I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
