Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
