its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These tits shall not be calmed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
