We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
