the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
