she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
