anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize