I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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