Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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