You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
