I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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